“Get up.” Art looked at his fourth daughter. “Get up.”
Nita threw a look at her father from the couch. “Why?”
“You’re really not sick, are you?”
“Unless I have some way to trick the thermometer,” Nita replied.
Today would mark the fourth day since she had been missing from class. She had been sick with a fever, and it was slowly coming down. Her temperature today was 100.2 degrees Fahrenheit. Four days ago, it was almost 106.
Art knew better though. Though she was really sick, she was also avoiding school. He had a feeling since she came back from that trick or treating adventure about two weeks ago. Before, she would stay at school until the gates closed, hanging out with her friends. But, right after track practice, she would come home, usually with Lee, who was also ignoring school.
“I wish you would get better already. I really don’t like having you stay home alone…” Since the Punyawong parents were working parents, it was hard for them to stay away from work. Luckily, Mrs. Punyawong would come home for lunch, so she would come to look at their daughter.
Nita nodded and adjusted herself so she didn’t have to see her dad.
Art sauntered out into the hall, just before running into Lee.
“Is she getting better?” Lee asked.
Art nodded, taking one more look at his daughter—or, the person who was supposed to be his daughter. She was wearing a skirt…Before, she hated skirts. He wanted to interrogate her, demand her to answer his questions. But, that wouldn’t change anything. She’d continue wearing her skirts, so he didn’t even want to try.
Art slipped away and Lee slipped into her sister’s room.
Nita looked at her sister.
“How are you doing?” Lee sat at the foot of her bed.
“I’m fine.”
“Then, are you going to go back to school?”
“…I don’t want to.”
“…Is it because of Lawrence?”
Nita stared at her sister then looked away.
“So…it is Lawrence…”
“No. It’s not him.”
“…Okay, so if it’s not him, have you heard from him?”
“Why?”
“Well, I just came home a few minutes ago…And, he was out in his garden…”
“…And…?”
“Well, he called me over.”
Nita shifted so she was sitting face to face with her sister. “What did he say?”
“…He asked if you were doing okay…So, I assume that he doesn’t know that you’re sick. So, then, I also assume that you haven’t been talking to him. Am I assuming right?”
“…And, if you were, are you going to do something about it?”
“Nothing. I would just want to know what’s going on.”
Nita grabbed her pillow and clutched it to her chest. She looked down into her pillow. “…He’s dating someone…”
Lee always knew Nita best. It had always been like that—Sue knew Susie best, Lee knew Nita best, and Nick knew Ali best. Lee reached out for her sister—for a second there, her sadness made her almost transparent…
“…It’s Beau Broke…”
Lee didn’t ask anything more. “…But, I’m thinking that this is more than about him dating Beau?”
“…He IM-ed that he loved me…”
“…Isn’t that what you wanted?”
“Yeah, but, he’s already got Beau.”
A stirring in Lee’s heart rose to her throat. It almost made her want to puke. That was such a Lee response…That’s what she said when she found out that Ashley was going to agree to go out with Chase; that’s what she told herself to try to end feelings for Chase. “…And?” she heard herself saying. “Will you still like him?”
“No.” Yes.
Lee heard the truth in her little sister’s voice. “Oh really?”
“…No. I won’t like him. I don’t like him.”
“…You know, I’m kind of like you…”
“How?”
Lee smiled, but she was kind of going to regret it. No one knew that she liked Chase—no one. People had speculations that she liked him, but she never once admitted to liking him to anyone. If she were to tell Nita, Nita would be the first, and maybe the only, person who knew.
“…He has someone else, and I thought I would’ve gotten over it, but I guess I really haven’t…”
Nita’s eyes widened. “You’re in love?”
“…I guess.”
“Who is it?” Nita didn’t even wait for her sister to respond. “Is it Jeffrey Sanders? Aren’t you two already going out?”
“…Word spreads fast.”
“So, it’s Jeff?”
“No. I’m saying that what I have with him is nothing but friendship. Yeah, we went to the Halloween party together, but I don’t think of him like that…”
“Then, who is it? Do I know him?”
Lee regretfully nodded. “Don’t tell anyone.”
“Promise.”
“And, promise that you’ll tell me the truth if I tell you…”
“Okay. I promise.”
Lee looked at her little sister. She thought about how she could trust Nita; how Nita wouldn’t tell a soul at all. “…I’m kidding.” But, this was love. And, Lee promised herself a long time ago that if she were to ever fall in love, she wouldn’t tell a soul.
Nita glared at her sister. “Come on, you’ve got to tell me.”
“I’ve been here long enough…Got to go…” Lee stood up and touched her sister’s shoulder. “Maybe you should start class tomorrow…”
Nita plopped onto her back, ignoring what her sister said.
It was almost eight when Susie pulled up into her driveway. After getting out of the car, she noticed someone—someone hovering nearby.
“Hi, Susie…”
“Oh, hey, Lawrence.” Susie smiled. “I haven’t seen you around, lately.”
Lawrence sighed. “Yeah, a lot’s come up.”
“How’s your grandfather?”
“Oh, he’s fine.” Lawrence seemed like he wanted to say more.
“…Nita’s inside. She’s been sick…”
Lawrence’s face lit up with worry. “She-she’s sick?”
“Oh? She didn’t tell you?”
Lawrence shook his head. “I-I had no idea.”
“She’s been in that house for four days.”
“Is-is it that bad? Has she seen a doctor?”
Susie chuckled. “Personally, I think she just doesn’t want to go to school.” For whatever reason uncomprehending to Susie, Lawrence seemed suddenly depressed.
“Oh…”
“It’s really a surprise. You two haven’t been talking to each other, have you?”
Lawrence bit his lip and stared at his shoes. “Well…well, it’s kind of a long story…Is it okay if I don’t talk about it?”
“Uh, sure. If you feel uncomfortable about it, then don’t stress it.”
“…If-if it’s not a bother, then can you ask her to come out? I want to see her.”
“Why don’t you just come in?”
“Can-can I really?”
“Yeah, sure. I bet my dad also wants to see you, too.” Susie started heading towards the door, making sure that Lawrence was following.
And, follow, he did.
After crossing the threshold, Lawrence was greeted by Nick and Ali, who were playing video games. The aromatic smell of good curry washed over the house.
“Oh, hello, Lawrence,” Tip announced as she appeared into the kitchen. “How’ve you been?”
Lawrence nodded. “I’m good.”
“And, your grandfather?”
“He’s great, thank you.”
“Care to join us for dinner?”
“No, I already ate.”
Tip smiled. “Oh, then next time. If you’re here to see Nita, she’s in her room.”
Susie led Lawrence towards Nita’s room. They stopped in front of her room. “I don’t know what’s going on, but I have a feeling that there is something wrong here. Well, I hope you two resolve it…” With a tap on the shoulder, Susie turned to go towards her room, leaving Lawrence in front of Nita’s room.
He knocked. Immediately, she responded with a “come in”. He twisted the door knob and stepped in.
She looked from her laptop, and instead of a smile, a frown lined her face. “Oh…”
“H-hey…I-I heard you were sick. Are you feeling better?”
“…Yeah…My fever’s going down…”
“Oh…So, a fever…How high?”
“One oh six.”
“Th-that’s really high…”
“I know…”
“H-how’d you get it?”
She closed her laptop and refused to look at him. “I hope this is all you came here for…”
He sighed. “Well-.”
“So, it’s something else.”
“You blocked me on MySpace and Facebook. You won’t answer any of my texts or any of my IM’s. I-I really need to talk to you. Why are you ignoring me?”
“I thought it was obvious.”
“Did I make you mad?”
“No.”
“Then, why won’t you-?”
“Because, what’s the point? You don’t need me to be there to hold your hand, do you? I have no purpose for you, anymore.”
“You make it sound like you’re an object--.”
“Then, what am I?”
“You’re my friend. Maybe even my best friend in this world. You’re the only one I can trust, honestly.”
She snickered. “You don’t trust Beau?”
“So, you do admit that this is about me and Beau.”
“I didn’t say anything.”
“Then, why bring up Beau?”
“Well, because he’s your boyfriend.”
“So, it is Beau and me.”
She let out an angry breath. “Even if it was Beau, then I’ll still say that I’m not mad at that or anything.”
“You’re mad, then?”
“…Fine, I guess I am.”
He gave her a questioning look. “What for?”
She stared at him, disbelievingly. “You really don’t know?”
“I don’t know. Honest to God, I don’t know.”
“…How can you tell a girl that you love her the moment you start hitting second base with someone else?”
“You’re mad about that?” Despite himself, he smiled. “Because I told you I love you after--?”
“Yes. Yes, I’m mad about that.”
“You’re acting like a little kid.”
“And, what about you? Do you think that you’re acting like an adult?”
“I know what I’m doing isn’t the right thing…”
“Then, you shouldn’t be here arguing with me. Why don’t you just go home and leave it alone?”
“How can I leave it alone? You’re right here! You live across from my house—and we’re friends!”
Friends…And, before, only friends. That was the best: they should only remain as friends. “…Maybe we should cool down. Let’s talk again later. I’m kind of tired.”
“…Nita, if we don’t talk now, then when will we ever get to talk again?”
She laid down and turned her back to him. “You shouldn’t disturb a sick person…”
Ever since the Halloween party, Lee had refused to see Chase, like before, but this time, she actually tried her best to ignore him. Nowadays, her lunches were spent at the bleachers, where she knew the others wouldn’t go. Only a handful of people got to go the bleachers—and, usually, they were in band because band sometimes practiced at lunch.
For that, Lee was finally grateful.
Biting into her turkey sandwich, she thought about Nita’s problem. Why was her family so stubborn? Every single one of them was as stubborn as--.
“Hey.”
Lee looked up. “Oh, hey, Jeff.”
“Thought I’d see you here.”
“You were looking for me?”
“Of course.”
Lee didn’t want to reply with a witty comment. This guy was serious—she had found out. And, she was still kind of mad at him for almost leaving her to Chase at the Halloween party, since he got a little bit overloaded on beer.
“Have you been ignoring me, lately?”
“Why would I do that?”
“I have a feeling that you are…Is it about the Halloween party?”
“No. Everything’s fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah.” Jeff didn’t know her well—anyone who knew her would say that she was lying; Chase would’ve been able to tell in an instant that she was lying…Chase who knew everything about her. Just the thought of him brought up even more nasty feelings; one of them, still being love.
“Is that good?” Jeff asked as he took his seat right next to her.
“It’s fine.”
“It looks good.”
She had a feeling that he was trying to imply something. “Want to try?”
He nodded. “Sure.” He grabbed her hand along with the sandwich and took a bite off of it.
“Hey!”
“It is good,” he said while chewing. “I like turkey, too.”
“That’s gross!”
“There’s nothing gross about it. I’ve seen people do worse.” He touched her arm. “Trust me, there’s nothing wrong with it…”
She noticed the look in his eye and she didn’t like one bit of it. “…Jeff, what do you think of me?” She had to know. If she didn’t know what he really thought about her, then she was sure that she wouldn’t be able to see him again. “Tell me…”
He sighed, still having his smile on. “Why do you want to know?”
“Out of all the people at this school, why do you have to be with me? Why did you go to the party with me, or hang out with me almost every day?” She put her sandwich down. “Why are you making yourself available for me?”
“Well…well, I really like you.”
“…Seriously?”
“Seriously.”
“…How do you know?”
He sighed, still with the smile. “I don’t know. I guess it was in eighth grade or something—we had English together and I sat next to you. For like the first week of school. And, I guess, I started liking you then. Then, you were the only one who probably didn’t vote for me for the eighth grade dance. That’s when I started paying more attention to you…” He ran his hand through his hair. “Yeah, I would say that I’ve liked you since eighth grade. Hell, I even joined drum line to be with you.”
“Honestly?”
“Honest to God.”
All this time, Jeff had harbored these…feelings…for her and she had never noticed. “…I never thought that anyone could like me.”
“Why?” His attentions were immediately turned to her.
“Well, for one, I’m not as pretty as--.”
“Don’t even go there. You’re really pretty.” The first time a guy called her pretty…a guy other than her family; a guy that was handsome, nice, and in her age group. “Maybe even prettier than your sisters…”
She felt herself redden. “We-well, then, I’m not smart--.”
“God, you’re the smartest person I know. And, I know a lot of smart people.”
“I…People think I’m a tomboy.”
“And, who cares? That’s just your personality and I think you have the greatest personality in the whole world…”
“Are you just trying to flatter me?”
“No. It’s the truth. The absolute truth. You’re such a great person—and, whoever isn’t in love with you is a complete bastard.”
She had to laugh at that; but, she laughed inside. The truth would really shock him. She could name at least half a billion people that didn’t love her…including Chase.
“…So, that’s why I like you.” He took a deep breath in and exhaled by laughing. “It feels great to confess.”
“That was a confession?” Was it really done like that?
“I guess it could be counted as one. Now…it’d be nice if I got an answer. Will you go out with me?” His eyes sparkled as he touched her hand. “It would be really nice if you said yes…”
She smiled. “…Well…”
“…At least say you’ll think about it. Because, I really don’t know what I would do if you said no…”
“…Well, it would be my first time going out with a guy…”
“It’s no big deal. So, is that a yes?”
“Maybe. Just maybe.” And, she wasn’t kidding about that, either.
His smile widened until it looked like his grin would split his face. “Oh, that’s so great. What a huge relief…” He stood up and stretched. He inhaled, and screamed “yes” at the top of his lungs.
Lee laughed, but made no attempt to stop him. After he was done, he plopped down and laughed with her.
“I’m just so excited, you know.” Even his manner of speech was different—airy, happy, excited, and all the other expressions that came with extremity.
“I haven’t even said yes, yet.”
“Well, it doesn’t matter. At least you said you’d think about it.”
The two laughed once more, but of course, they were oblivious of the group of teens that so happened to be coming towards the fields.
“I never thought that Jeff would like her.” The girl turned to the guy that her arm was linked with. “Right?”
The guy blinked, still frozen.
“Chase?”
Chase blinked. “…Uh, yeah, right…I-I never thought that…” …that she’d give such a…a quick answer like that…Oh Jesus, Lee…
Susie liked the warmness that the other hand was emitting into her own. It wasn’t an awkward kind of warmness or a nervous kind of warmness. It was just warmness.
Holding hands with Stephen had always been like this. He had really nice hands with slender fingers and polished nails.
He strengthened his grip as he bought their interlocked hands to his lip. He kissed her hand. “I’m glad that you were free today. It seems like we haven’t been able to get together in awhile.”
“Even though you live down the street from me?” She smiled. “You could’ve came to my house any time. My parents know you, you know?”
“Well, I could’ve. But, chances are, you’d be studying or too embarrassed to come out to greet me…”
That was true…At the mention of it, she blushed. “It-it’s not like I don’t want to see you.”
“But, you have better things to do, right?”
Her blush deepened.
He chuckled. “I kid.” They entered a local café.
After being led to their table, he took a seat across from her. They looked through the menu, suggesting to each other what sounded good or what they might possible order.
Stephen was a good boyfriend—maybe even the ideal boyfriend. Her parents certainly thought so when she introduced him. Her mom especially liked it that he was the valedictorian at the prestigious private academy from up the hill.
He was so great, and yet, the only person Susie thought about was Dirk…and that kiss at the Halloween party. Why did she kiss back? Why did she tell him that? Perhaps it was the small amount of alcohol she had slipped from Stephen.
But, here was Stephen now, and that should be that. Yeah, that should be that. Nothing else. He was really such a great person, and it would be a shame if she let him go…
After settling on a pasta dish and a chicken entrée, Stephen began the conversation. “How are your parents?” He was genuinely worried about her family, and she thought it was sweet of him to also pay attention to her family.
“Oh, yeah, they’re fine. Nita just got out of a fever.”
“Was it bad?”
“She was out for four days.”
“Wow, that’s really bad. At least she’s okay now. Does she need any help with her school work? If you’d like, I can help her too…”
“No, I think she’s got it. She’s pretty smart, too, you know…”
He smirked. “Like you?”
She chuckled. “I guess so…”
“Then she must be really smart.” He sipped some water. “My mom wants to see you again. She really likes you, I think. Ever since then, she’s been talking about you nonstop. When will you come over again?”
Stephen’s family was cool, too, though they only spoke to her in Chinese. She didn’t mind—when she wasn’t using English or Thai, she was using Chinese. The only bad part about the family was the feeling they gave to her—that their son was better than her.
Truth was, he was, but it would’ve been nice to not say—or portray—anything…
“Oh, maybe I’ll come over soon…”
“You know, I really want you to come over soon. There’s this new place that…”
Susie smiled at all his compliments; listened to every word he said. She really tried to convince herself that she wanted to like this guy. Of course, though, it was but a try.
Dinner ended and Stephen dropped Susie back to where her car was—at the ice cream store. After saying good bye, he donned his uniform and went back to work.
Susie, in turn, put on her green hat and drove to the mini-mart. There, she went into the domain of sandwiches.
The usual customers came—Mathew Picaso, her AP English teacher, and the Oldies. Nearing six, she took off her cap and took out her homework. She knew that no one would come to this section around six—everyone was out having their dinner in a nice fancy restaurant or at their dinner table.
After finishing some Calculus problems and pulling out her Physics workbook, she pretended not to see the customer who was clearly approaching her side of the store.
The customer stopped at her table, apparently not at the sandwich counter.
“Just a moment please.” She closed her workbook and stood up with a smile on her face.
And, just as sorry Fate would have it, Dirk stood there. “H-Hi…”
She swallowed whatever she felt in her throat. “Hi.”
“Um, I came to order something to eat…”
“Uh, yeah.” From the looks of it, he had just came back from his volunteer work at the hospital. She maneuvered between him and the tight space of the table and counter. She eventually made it to the back of the sandwich counter. “What can I get for you?” Her voice was so stiff and it sounded so unfamiliar to her; it probably sounded so unfamiliar to Dirk.
“…What do you recommend?” His request was a whisper.
But, her ears echoed his very words. “…I-I don’t know. I’ve got a recommendations list right there…”
“Yeah…But, what do you like to eat?” His sparkling blue eyes looked into hers.
She could feel her cheeks pale. “I-I don’t know.”
“…D-do you eat sandwiches?”
“…Yeah, but, I don’t know what to give you…” She tried to look down. “I don’t know what you like.”
“I-I don’t care. I’ll like anything you’ll give me.”
“D-Dirk, I--.”
“Is it too late?” he whispered. “Is it really too late?”
“…Of course it is. You already said yes to Lilith, so it is too late.”
“If I didn’t say yes to her, then would it still be too late?”
“Dirk, I have a boyfriend--.”
“And, you’re happy with him…?”
“Yes. I’m happy-.”
“You’d be happier with me…”
“Dirk…”
“Honestly.”
“If you’re here to talk about this, then I don’t want to hear it. I’ve heard it so many times—especially from you. I’m getting tired.”
“I still love you.”
She froze.
“Do you still love me?”
“It doesn’t change anyth--.”
“Just tell me. Do you still love me?”
She sighed, letting her gaze drop to the floor. Her silence scared him. “…I think I do.”
A small smile found its way onto his face. “I still love you…” he repeated.
The silence exchanged between the two lasted an eternity. The two still loved each other, but they weren’t allowed to be together.
“And…and what about your boyfriend? Do you love him?” Dirk was pained to ask, but he just had to know. And, if he lived without knowing, he knew it would be the end of him.
“…I like him. He’s a great boyfriend…”
Just her words stung like daggers.
She knew it would hurt her too, but she still had to ask. “…And, what about Lilith? Do you love her?”
“No.” His answer was already pre-determined a long time ago…precisely around the time he walked into the mini-mart for the very first time. “I don’t love her.”
She didn’t really know what to feel; but, the feeling she felt was anything but sadness.
Ali peered into her sister’s room. “Hey, Pee Lee…”
Lee didn’t turn around from her computer. “Yeah? What is it?”
“Um, I need some help on my homework.” It was an obvious lie.
Of course, Lee knew it. “…What is it, really?”
“Well…” Ali came in. “Where’s Pee Chase?”
The sound of his name—even in Thai—made goose bumps form on her skin. “…Why?” It came out harsh and unforgiving. But, there was an under toned missing-vibe that was in it also.
“I miss him.”
“Then you can go visit him when Ma does.”
“I want him to come over so I can show him my new game system.”
“He wouldn’t be interested.”
“But, it’s brand new, and the last time we talked, he was really interested in seeing one.”
“He was just playing with you.”
Ali pouted. “I don’t believe it. Pee Chase is the most serious person I know.”
You’d be surprised… Lee knew she would regret doing this, but it was just so Ali could get off of her back. “I’ll tell him,” she lied. “He’ll come over soon. He’s just a bit busy, now.”
Ali was grown enough to tell a lie coming from her sister. “You’re lying.”
Lee tried to smirk it off. “No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are.”
But, before the argument got worse, Susie came in. “Ali, I got you a sandwich. It’s in the kitchen.”
With a squeal, Ali let the subject drop as she raced out of the room.
“Thanks.”
“I had a feeling that she was bothering you.”
“She always does, nonetheless.”
Susie sat on Lee’s bed.
“What’s up?” Lee turned to face her sister, kind of shocked to see her sister had been crying. “Why are you home so late?” It was almost nine-thirty. Usually, by eight, Susie would’ve already come home.
When Sue left, Susie couldn’t depend on anyone to tell her stories. Usually, she kept to herself, but if she didn’t tell anyone about this, she knew that wouldn’t be able to make it the next day. “I-I cheated.”
“On a test?”
“…On Stephen.”
Lee stared at her sister as she saw the tears forming. She remained silent.
“I…I cheated on him…” It came out as a small sob. “And, he doesn’t deserve that, Nalee. He doesn’t deserve that at all.”
“Pee Susie…”
“I-I don’t want to break up with him, because he’s such a good person, and I know that I have to stick to him so I can also be a good person.” The tears were falling and staining her tee-shirt.
“Do you love him?” Lee squeaked. “Do you love him?”
“He-he’s good to me. He’d never leave me—I know—and, he’s so--.”
“Do you love him?”
“…Love?”
Lee nodded.
“I…No…”
“Then, don’t stay with him. If all you’re doing is staying with him because he’s good, then when he finds out…when he finds out and it’s already too late, then you’ll end up hurting him the most. And, like you said, he doesn’t deserve that—no one deserves that.”
“…Nalee, I’ve become selfish, haven’t I? I only want what’s best for me…”
Lee didn’t like how her sister was seemingly so weak. “…No, Pee Susie, it doesn’t mean that you’re selfish. At least, I don’t think that’s what it means. You just want what’s best for you, and I kind of understand it…I only want what’s best for me, too.”
Susie wiped her tears.
“…So, will you break up with him?”
It was the right thing to do. It was definitely what everyone wanted her to do. But, no matter what Lee said, Susie knew she had become very selfish—she had tasted a bit of goodness and she wanted every single bite of it. “…I’ll think about it,” she lied.
