Lucas was crying. The phone and the alarm were blaring. The neighbors in room 203 were screaming at each other again.
And, Cassandra stared at the ceiling, her lips slightly parted.
She let everything go by her, like they always did: Lucas was shut up, eventually; the phone and alarm would stop screaming; the neighbors would eventually slam the doors and everything was quiet again.
She closed her eyes just for a moment and her dreams flooded her: the dreams she had as a little girl—dreams that took her places, like when she wanted to become a scientist for her father’s science facility, when she knew she wanted to have kids with Mr. Right, and when she saw herself as a successful person…The dreams that had been lost or broken.
Here she was, in her mid-thirties, raising four children—but, mother of five, and from different fathers—with a dead end job as a bookstore cashier who got paid only eight fifty an hour. She didn’t even like the store—it was run-down and ran by a very old man who was bound to die at any moment. A job, a family, and a successful life—all down the drain.
When did her collapse began? She had had the right life—she went to all the high class gatherings, had a coming out party when she was sixteen, went to the right schools, and even got the right scholarships as well as the prestigious name. When did it all go wrong?
She searched her memories to try to pinpoint her downfall. Could it have been when she first met Don and thought what a handsome man he was? Or, perhaps even farther back then that…Maybe when her father’s worker had just married—Darleen Matlapin, now Darleen Dreamer—and when the new couple was invited to a local party that Mortimer had decided to throw for the hard-working woman…when, eventually, Cassandra saw the beautiful blue eyes of Darleen’s husband.
A tear escaped her right eye. Those beautiful blue eyes that had never left her mind would remain there for eternity. And, the feelings that those blue eyes evoked in her would always make her heart race.
She should’ve realized it with Darren. She should’ve said something before he met Danielle—when they had shared their very first kiss. She could’ve—should’ve—called off everything that she had with Don, so she could devote her life to Darren forever.
But…Don…His devilish green eyes also provoked in her some passion that she knew she never had. Perhaps that was what his green eyes did to women—bring out something in them that they never knew they had.
And…and, maybe that was why she loved him for it—or thought she loved him for it. It made her feel alive, staring into those eyes—it made her feel invincible…feel sexy. Sometimes, they frightened her; like a predator looking at his prey. But the adrenaline from that fear was worth the paralysis.
She never knew what she wanted: the kind blue eyes of Darren, or the fiery green eyes of Don. But, even when she still didn’t know what she wanted, she knew that it was too late.
Don had cancelled it; Darren had a family.
Once more, the phone rang, bringing her to look at it. She reached for it. “Hello?”
“Cassandra. It’s me, Darren.”
The image of his blue eyes crossed her memory. “D-Darren…”
“I-I need to see you.” The desperation in his voice could’ve been from love; could’ve been from anything.
“Is she there with you?”
Darren was quiet for a moment. “…Yes.”
“…And, she’s fine with that?”
Without hesitation—“Yes.”
An unnatural stirring occurred in Cassandra’s heart. It suddenly turned into a sudden pain, as sharp as needles. She always knew it was wrong—every time she called, every time she even thought about him. He officially belonged to someone—someone who loved him very much, and had two—almost three—magnificent children with him. Yet, she still did it. She still called and thought about him. “…Wh-where?”
“How about I come over?”
“…Is it to see Lucas, rather than to talk to me?”
The silence that Darren gave was more than any efficient answer; he was dying to know what Lucas looked like, since the last time he saw him was when Lucas was four months old.
The subject of Lucas was a confusing one from three sides of the fork in the road—of Don’s, of Darren’s, and of Cassandra’s. Simply, Cassandra could’ve requested a DNA test, but if she found out things that she didn’t want to find out, then what would she do then?
“…He has green eyes.” The last time he saw Lucas, it was hard to determine what eye color he had.
That sent out mixed messages: Don had green eyes…but, so did some of Cassandra’s ancestors.
“…Really? Then, I’ve got to see them for myself.”
“…How is she?” Darren was quiet, and Cassandra was sure that he had hung up. But, she had to ask again. “How is she?”
“…She’s fine.”
“How’s the baby?”
“…It’s fine.”
“Is it a girl, again?” Cassandra was treading on dangerous waters, and she knew it. But, it felt like therapy to her, for some odd reason—she had to get it out, or else she’d crack like a pressured mirror.
“…I hope so.”
“Don’t you like boys?”
“I do want a boy.”
“Then, why do you think it’s a girl?” She was pushing too far in. She wanted to push further and further until she wasn’t the only one cracking under pressure.
“…I want it to be.” He sighed. “I’ll see you soon.” He hung up on her.
Cassandra stared at the handheld phone. Was that it? Was he really going to leave her like that, unsatisfied, un-helped, but cracking? With that, she threw the phone against the wall and it shattered instantly.
Lucas started crying again. She heard 203 curse at what that sound was. At least the phone would stop ringing.
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